Shul Shidduch, Part One--Netivot Shalom

After a summer of sleeping late on Shabbos and thinking about what kind of East Bay shul I wanted, the Balabusta got up this morning and went so check out Netivot Shalom in Berkeley.

Looking at a new shul is kind of like a date, in more ways than one. I decided that since I really didn't know what people wore at NS, it would be a good idea to dress up a little. Then I decided that since I was going out on Shabbos, I should give my new clothes an outing, so I got out the new skirt and the turquoise sweater, and got spiffed up. I even put on a dab of makeup, and perfume. Then I decided I looked too conservative (as opposed to Conservative) for a Berkeley shul and layered on a couple of funky necklaces to take the edge off.

I wanted to get there right at the start of services, but was hindered in this because I forgot my BART ticket and had to get a new one. At one ticket machine: two middle-aged ladies in Berkeleyesque clothes who have evidently never used one before. They are operating the machine in a manner reminiscent of people feeding a goat at a petting zoo. (Thanks to my mom for this image.) One woman gives the other woman a dollar bill. The second woman feeds the bill to the machine. The machine eats it. The women exclaim about this. Then the second woman says, 'give me another dollar'. This is taking forever.

At the other machine: five or six middle-aged ladies, by dress and accent tourists from the Midwest. They, obviously, haven't used a BART ticket machine before, and are having to deal with all the details--it will only give you so much change, and each passenger must have a ticket, and etc. I hear the train leave, over my head. Okay, it's Shabbos, I will take it easy. I got there.

Here follow the pros and cons of Netivot Shalom. I will say that I will need to return at a later date, since they were having a large, well-attended Bat Mitzvah, and I may not have gotten a perfect impression. Basically, though:

PROS:

It is easily accessible from my house, only about thirty-five minutes each way.

It's a pretty, modern building, with moveable chairs in the sanctuary.

I was not the only woman wearing a hat, there were several of us.

Even for a bat mitzvah day, it seemed very well attended.

The service is "traditional egalitarian", the way I like 'em.

They have a nice prayer for the United States in English, and a misheberach for Israeli and U.S. soldiers.

The bat mitzvah girls' friends were incorporated into the service--they got to come up and lead "Adon Olam", stuff like that. I thought it was cute.

They seem to have nice arrangements for children's care and activities during the service. This doesn't directly affect me, but it speaks to wanting women to be included in the life of the shul, and a good attitude about children. I've been to shuls that lacked both.

They do a snappy musaf. I have tried to learn to like musaf, but it just irks me.

They are slightly disorganized in a cute way. A hundred and fifty people, all trying to wash hands at once, and guy starts belting out a niggun, apparently spontaneously, trying to give everyone something to do while standing in line.

The oneg was AWESOME, but I think that may have been a bat-mitzvah related thing.

CONS:

The building is just a little too moderne and gleaming to feel heimish. My San Francisco shul used to be a nightclub, and it's still just a big partitioned room with a stained glass skyline of Jerusalem installed at the front to make it pretty, and at least two shul's worth of memorial plaques.

No flags. I like the flags.

When they do Misheberach, they sing the Debbie Friedman version. Despite my Bay Area upbringing, I don't like davening set for the acoustic guitar. It annoys me.

They don't have MY cantor and rabbi there.

No one talked to me, although I think that may have been a bat-mitzvah issue too.

I like shuls where there's a hard-core group of old men in suits who know the davening in their sleep, pronounce it in Ashkenazes and keep stuff rolling. They didn't seem to be present at NS. I like places where there's a discreet bottle of slivovitz out for the old guys. I like places where they serve herring in cream sauce despite the fact the people my age can't handle it.

I found it a little hard to see and hear what was going on.

SUMMARY: Basically, it seems like a nice shul, but it didn't grab me immediately, so I'm going to go back a couple more times when they're not having a bat mitzvah, and check out some more places. I did determine that my generation priorities have changed. I used to check out a shul thinking "Will I have a profound spiritual experience here? Will I find my right path in life? Is that guy my intended, or maybe just a stalker creep?" Now I check out a shul thinking "Huh. Nice to see they have children's services..." Just thinking ahead.

THING I FOUND ODD: In the 'welcome to the shul' handout, they explain that everyone is asked to cover their head, but this is optional for women over 20. They also say that all adult Jews at the shul wear a tallis, but this is also optional for women over 20.

Why 20? Why make this official?

I realize that a lot of women don't do either of the above in Conservative shuls, for a lot of reasons. But it seemed like a strange thing to lay out in such detail. Also, does this mean little girls must wear a kippah until they're 20? Does this mean you must wear a tallis from bat mitzvah until 20, and then you're allowed to skip it? I did wonder. Since I do both, not an issue for me, though.

Next week is Beth Abraham.