Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Girls In Black Leather

I keep resolving to give up reading Heshy's blog. Heshy, for those of you who don't know him, is a very unsual man who keeps a very unusual blog. From Heshy I have learned that Jews are opposed to life on other planets, that Jews are forbidden to live in Manhattan, that Iran is a really great place with good morals, and that God is going to smite just about everyone pretty soon. (I'll provide a link when I can, my computer is being weird about Blogger right now.)

I keep resolving not to read the blog any more, because I really don't think I should, but it is extremely funny at times. I fell into temptation this evening, and discovered Heshy's detailed plan for bringing secular Israeli Jews to Heshy's version of Judaism. My favorite agenda item:

"Special crack-units of tall, highly intelligent young adult women who are well trained in Torah ideals, outfitted in all black (leather jackets & gloves, long skirts and stockings) are to target secular streets of Tel Aviv and Haifa dishing out steaming, hot portions of cholent from mobile crock pots into heavy-duty disposable black bowls with sturdy black forks"

People have suggested that the weather in Haifa and Tel Aviv may not be ideal for the proposed outfit. I'm just imagining the movie based on this. In my version, the Cholent Chicks (okay, it's not alliterative, I'm trying) ride motorcycles (with the Crock Pots mounted on the back), and zoom through the streets of Haifa, targeting secular Jews and feeding them. Our heroine, Gittel, becomes intrigued with a handsome, disheveled young Modern Orthodox type who has his own Crock Pot of dafina on his bike, and wears a crocheted yarmulke.

Will Gittel take off her leather jacket in the 95 degree heat?

Will dueling traditions of Jewish stew be able to make peace, or be doomed to fight to the end?

Will Avi put on a black hat in order to win his Harley-gunning love?

Will Heshy have to ride in on his own bike and rescue the dizzy damsel from the crocheted menace?

How much cholent does it take to bring someone back on the derech?

Can you tell the Balabusta watched "Chopper Chicks in Zombietown" last night?

8 comments:

Eliyahu said...

ah, addictions! i had managed to escape Heshy for a week before i read your post! we can only pray that Heshy comes to his senses on the merit of his shabbos hospitality...before the release of the "Girls in Black Leather" DVD.

Barefoot Jewess said...

Bwahahaha!

However, I had this thought- what if it worked?! Creeeeeepy (where my thoughts are turning, that is).

AMSHINOVER said...

sturdy black forks are such a turn-on

shanna said...

How much cholent does it take to bring someone back on the derech?

Only one bowl, as long as it's served with lokshen kugel.

BTW, when you do get around to adding a link, please include a rel="nofollow" within the tag. No need to increase his Google PageRank.

Little Wolf said...

A Heshy addition is a hard thing to break. I seem to remember someone on one of the comment threads over there saying something about reading his is kind of like slowing down to look at a car accident, you really don't want to do it, but some you always do.

Jack's Shack said...

Heshy is a man among men, sort of.

ADDeRabbi said...

Your storyline sounds a lot like 'Grease' which, depending on the cholent recipe, might be quite apropos.

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