Countdown to Iowa

I admit it. I love campaigns. They're like soap operas, except entirely real, so you don't feel foolish for becoming emotionally involved.

Mrs. Bluejeans Sr. has gotten to the point where the word "momentum" gives her nausea, and The Husband has only reluctantly agreed to register to vote just in case Huckabee wins the Republican nomination. But the Balabusta is having a grand old time. Herewith is her take on the whole amazing situation:

This is the "just no way" election. We have a woman frontrunner, a black man gaining on her, a Mormon, and Rudy Giuliani. And we haven't gotten to the WEIRD candidates yet. Oh my. A few notes:

CLINTON: Gennifer Flowers said she may vote for her, which I see as a considerable endorsement. Honestly, I like Hillary very much. If she becomes president, I will do considerable screaming as she does various things I do not like, but that's expected. She's sensible, hard-headed, and I think she knows exactly what she is getting into. I also cannot imagine that after the first Clinton's administration there is a single scandal in her closet that has not been strip-mined, which is a GOOD thing. If she does establish a Clinton dynasty, do you think Chelsea will run next?

GIULIANI: There's no way the Republican party is going to nominate an Italian, Catholic, New York, three-times-married social liberal to run for President of the United States on their ticket. I honestly cannot figure out the Giuliani thing at all, unless the famous twitchy evangelical base can somehow be persuaded to vote for the man with no idea at all of his record and personal life. This seems unlikely. They have a reputation for checking on these things.

Basically, as far as I can tell, Giuliani has two assets. One: he ended crime in New York City, so that by the end of his reign a young maiden carrying gold and jewels on her person could walk from one end of Central Park to the other, at two in the morning, without fear of being molested...wait, I think that was King Arthur. Well, same idea. Also, he behaved well during the events following September 11. (No sarcasm here. He did good mayor work. He did the right stuff, and said the right stuff.)

But I don't think that will help.

HUCKABEE: The name is a disadvantage. President Huckabee? On the other hand, he seems to have a number of clear-cut advantages. Ex-governor--very good. Has popular appeal. Baptist. Clear-cut social conservative. Doesn't look unlike a President on TV, but accessible.

Huckabee scares the hell out of me. I do not think he's a bad man. I just think he's a man whose values will not line up with mine no matter how we try. I am making my husband register to vote just so he can vote against Huckabee if necessary.

Additional note: What the heck is in the water in Hope, Arkansas?

OBAMA: Young, idealistic, good looking, married to a very smart and lovely woman, pretty small daughters. They would look so good on the White House Christmas card I can't even begin to imagine. Limited experience, but that's true for a lot of this batch. Then there's the Oprah thing.

I had a suggestion earlier in the campaign that Oprah herself should run for president. There are advantages to this: First, instead of grinding through the "do we get a black president or a woman president first" deal, we get both in one attractive package, and we're done. Second, Oprah would be a uniter. Women from both parties love her, and men from both parties wish the women would turn the show off, but might be tempted to vote for her so she'd be so busy she couldn't air the show. I don't think Stedman is First Gentleman material, but Oprah's BFF Gayle could act as First Lady, and would do it with great style. Just imagine the great outfits they would wear for the inauguration.

Back to dismal reality: my main worry about Obama is that, out of the Democratic hopefuls, I am not sure that he has any idea what's going to hit him if he wins. Partisan politics is hitting new depths this decade. Hillary knows. I think Edwards knows. I dunno if Barak knows. Also, if he wins, the lurking lava of racism in American society is gonna come squirting out from under the rocks under high pressure, and I do not envy the Secret Service this one. Nor Michelle. It's a lot.

Additional note: I think it would be so cool to have a president named Barak.

PAUL: I cannot figure the Ron Paul thing out. I leave this one to LGF. They seem fascinated with him.

ROMNEY: Well, he LOOKS like a President. His family is photogenic (he scores a second place on most adorable family photo for Christmas cards, only because Obama's kids are still little) He seems fairly Presidential. And although his business history can be made to yield scandal aplenty, I don't think that will be enough to impede a nomination. His nominally pro-choice history, and his brush with same-sex marriages might--but most importantly, he's a Mormon. My gal Niamh, who has Mormon relatives, is pretty sure that this is enough to kick him out of the circle for most of Middle America. Me, I dunno. I think of Mormons as a sort of Extreme Christian spin-off, with extra prophets and really clean living. Romney doesn't drink, smoke, or run around with loose women, and he's still on his first photogenic wife. This seems like a GOOD thing to me. (I mean, if there was even a small chance I might vote for him, but I'm speaking hypothetically.) He seems like the Republicans' best bet. But who knows?