Sunday, September 10, 2006

Love and Molars

The fella is teething. Seriously, the man is thirty years old, one of his wisdom teeth is coming in, and there isn't enough room in his jaw for it plus the molar that was already there. Two teeth enter, one tooth leaves.

This happens to many people. The problem is:

1. We have no money.

2. The fella has no dental coverage.

3. It's Sunday.

4. The University of the Pacific School of Dentistry emergency after-hours number as left on their machine is wrong, and I can't find the right one.

5. 1-800-DENTIST found us a great emergency person. In Vallejo. The only driver has major jaw pain, and did not sleep last night.

6. I have been telling him to call UOP for two weeks, at least.

Current plan seems to be that we will wait for morning, and send the fella to the emergency clinic at UOP.

I am going to wait until the fella is totally recovered from having his wisdom tooth pulled, and then I am going to kill him.

I have informed him that he has been relieved of all rights as an adult member of this family unit. I have informed him that we will be getting domestically partnered. I have informed him that we will be getting married, having three children, and buying a house. I have informed him that he will be getting health coverage for all of his parts, internal, external and removable. And we are getting a dog, so I can share the responsibility for taking care of him with someone sensible. I think a black lab would be a good caretaker.

Also, I am going to buy him some good clothes, we are getting a joint checking account, and I am going to learn to balance a checkbook. We are going to eat at the table every evening like grown-ups. He will go to the gym. There are some other details, but I'm forgetting them right now.

So far his only comments to this rant have been "I can't believe it took you almost seven years to get to this point," and "Can I have some oatmeal?"

I swear, I'm going to take that tooth out myself. With pliers.

4 comments:

Eliyahu said...

my regards to your main squeeze, and his teeth. our teeth, mine and his, seem to have the same internal clock. mine know for certain that my dentist does not work fridays, and always have their problems starting about 8 pm on thursdays. has your fellow thought about dental school? that might help take care of the rest of your desires.

The back of the hill said...

Best...
Post...
Ever!!!

Jack's Shack said...

Ouch.

Anonymous said...

*giggle*
Umm... Congratulations?

--niamh