Exit Strategy

It's December on Wednesday, and the new job has pretty much become a disaster.

I didn't want to leave St. Dymphna's. There's a reason I left middle school. I now remember what it was.

Today, my principal had a long talk with my class, and I had a long talk with my principal. And I'm starting to wonder if there is a way out of this before the end of the year.

I had applied to an MFT program, been accepted for the fall, and just didn't go. Because...because money, stuff, new job, whatever.

I'm trying to find out if the application is salvageable, if they can admit me for the spring.

A student loan.

A part-time job.

A way out.

I'm depressed, of course, that's part of it. I'm off the Paxil, on the Zoloft.But how do you treat depression when you spend all day, five days a week, trying to teach kids who don't like you or respect you, and have no qualms about showing it?

It's not exactly the most mental-health-friendly environment, let's put it like that.

I feel like hell. I have to go back tomorrow--thank God tomorrow is Tuesday, my easy day. I still don't know if I can face it. I still don't know if I can get through the day. And the next one. And the next one. So far so good. I haven't cried in front of them yet. Everyone else in the damn school, yes, but my students, no.

I need an exit strategy.