I Wanna Be A Natural

First day back at work. Kids wild with freedom and turkey poisoning, but not too bad.

Then, at the end of the day, I get a note from my principal telling me that we are 'out of compliance' with the ESL stuff--I am the coordinator--and see her immediately.

I taste adrenaline, like a lightning bolt grounding through my tongue. I feel shocked. Scared. Stupid with fear. (Can you tell that the Balabusta's work ego is not what it might be?)

I run downstairs, letting a kid out of detention early.

Here's what "out of compliance" means. There's a woman in the school who, for about two months has been hocking me for not getting learning disability testing for two kids in her class she's worried about. I'm working on this, but we have almost two hundred kids I'm responsible for, and LOTS of them have teachers who are concerned. I also have a ton of paperwork related to the ESL coordination, meetings, yadda, yadda, oh, yeah, and I teach six periods a day.

Apparently, rather than nagging me if I didn't get back to her, which was the last deal we made, this lady has gone to the principal and used the dread words, 'out of compliance'. The principal didn't bother to ask me if everything was OK, she just opened fire.

Also, the principal has forgotten that I agreed on a date WITH HER for a meeting we need to schedule, so now she's worried about that.

Now I'm:

1. Afraid of my coworker, and unwilling to go back into the teacher's lunchroom.

2. Fearful that whatever I set up will cause further repercussions.

3. Scared I'm going to lose my job at the end of the year--things are not going well.

4. Frustrated and sad. I borrowed a lot of money to do a teaching credential, and I am working really hard. I want to be good at this, but there isn't enough TIME. I had five days off over Thanksgiving weekend, and I spent one day at work, and three more partly on lesson planning. I feel incompetant.

5. Stupid.

6. Scared.

7. Resentful. This is my second year of teaching! I have to do teacher induction. I'm swamped. WHY did I agree to this ESL crud? Did I have a choice?

8. Hysterical. Did I mention hysterical?

9. Why didn't I look for another job over the summer? Oh yeah. We were moving.

10. Why can't I do all this and make it look easy?

Notes for tomorrow:

1. Attempt to expedite Squeaky Wheel's stuff.
2. Make unilateral decisions about several kids in need of support.
3. Talk to LD testing department.
4. Contact head of ESL for district, and ask for help.

5. Don't panic.